Are You Talking to Me?

A little voice said to me once: "think before you speak". I dare to go further and say: Listen before you think!

Have you ever noticed when you´re with someone, a co-worker, a friend, an acquaintance and it just seems that they just talk and talk and talk...you´re sitting in front of them and yet it feels like they haven´t even noticed you there? When they pause after they ask you something you reply, as if you were paying attention, "what? ". You try to come back to the moment as you come out of your own thoughts. The listener is not listening because the person talking is not willing to listen either! This is the main reason why conversations tend to turn into a shoving match of "me, me, me". What could be a pleasant exchange of ideas, emotions, words and life suddenly turns into nothing. Just words flying around.

How many times have you had a disagreement with your mate over something so silly and insignificant that grows and grows until it becomes an obstacle and creates distance between the two of you? You´re talking but, are you really listening?

Begin improving your communication skills by listening first. The first step is to stop talking! Listen to your mate. Listen to your friend, co-worker, whomever it is you´re with at the time. By listening I don´t mean to just give them the time to sit in front of them and nod politely while you´re thinking about something out of this planet, or wondering about his or her motives for saying what sound like blah, blah. By listening I mean observing with your eyes and ears, the tone of voice, see the body language, feel the person´s breathing rhythm and finally hear the content, the words themselves.

The tone of voice is very important to gauge the mood of the other person. This will give you a clear sense of what they are trying to tell you, and not what they are saying. There is a difference. Communication expresses two very important things: emotions and thoughts. If you can mix the two together when you communicate you will have the power to make people sway to the sound of your song. But you have got to start by listening. Our voice comes from deep within, and every once in a while it lets out a little bit of what wanders in our soul. See what is in the soul of others.

Human communication, much like that of other animals, is about 60% based on body language. Have you heard this before? Hear it again. A person could be reciting Shakespeare in your ear and telling you they love you, but if they´re holding a machete in their hand it is difficult to feel the romance and more than likely, you will be getting a different idea of what the person in front of you may really be thinking.

Look at a person in front of you. Look at his heart, see how it beats, feel the rhythm of her breath. Feel your own breath. You can see all that on a person´s chest if you look closely, if you´re listening. When you begin paying attention to all these little things you haven´t seen before, you will notice time slows down. The sounds become longer. Clear. You feel connected.

Begin to practice with yourself. Listen to your own words, your own voice. You will learn to enjoy one of the most beautiful things in life: knowing yourself by getting to know those around you.